7 tips to stop feeling guilty and enjoy the academic holiday

 

Guilt steals our joy, hinders our productivity, interrupts our peace, harms our relationships, and worst of all, makes us self-focused.~Mary Whelchel

Do you feel like you need permission to stop feeling guilty and enjoy the academic holidays? You are not alone. I hereby grant you permission to enjoy yourself. Many academics I know find holidays difficult to enjoy. On one hand, they want to be with friends and family with a break from teaching and grading and the fall class routines; on the other hand, there is a tremendous amount of guilt and fear about allowing themselves to enjoy the time away from professional obligations. The fear of taking a break applies to non-academics as well, and the advice here is the same.

Guilt versus harm

Let’s address guilt first because, in some ways, it is the most insidious of emotions. It is negative by definition. Guilt assumes that you feel you have done something wrong and harmed someone else. The problem for academics is the guilt feels two-pronged. Not doing academic work during the holidays feels like letting down students, colleagues, or yourself. Yet if you spend all your time working on academic stuff, you may also be letting down yourself as well as your family and friends by not spending special time with them.

One thing I’ve learned the hard way over the years is guilt is not a particularly useful emotion in this context. You’re most likely to be beating up on just your own poor self and no one else. One question I have learned to ask is, “Are my actions harming anyone else?”

Guilt for better behavior

Guilt can be a motivator for better behavior. You might recognize that procrastinating on a recommendation letter is harming the chances of someone wishing to get into graduate school. In that case, you might want to change your behavior and write the letter, even if you do have to do it in the evening or on a day off. But if you feel guilty for not living up to someone else’s expectations or your own expectations (“I should have written that article, published that book, finished that lab experiment,” etc.), you are not causing harm to anyone except your own mental health.

I get it. It’s hard to juggle all the various roles without feeling you are letting someone down. If you start telling yourself you are going to use the holidays to get a major project finished, you are setting yourself up for failure…and more guilt. That makes it very difficult to enjoy the academic holidays.

7 tips to stop feeling guilty and enjoy the academic holidays

How can you enjoy the academic holidays guilt-free? Or at least with less guilt?

1. Let go of your expectations.

You are only human, and none of us can do it all. Treat letting go as an experiment. One of the easiest ways to do this is to ask yourself, “What is the worst thing that could happen if….” If it’s that a deadline needs to be extended (most editors expect missed deadlines) or if some gifts don’t get wrapped (you still got the gift), the consequences seem pretty minor.

2. Feel the fear and let go anyway.

Countless journal articles in psychology, neuroscience, physiology, management, and other fields provide data on the benefits of periodic detachment from knowledge work. Breakthroughs often come after a break. Refreshed workers do better work. Happier people are more resilient in handling demanding work. The list goes on.

3. Really let go.

Put an out-of-office message on your email that says when you will be able to respond, and then do not respond until that date. Don’t even look at your incoming email. Trust me. If it is an actual emergency, you are going to get a phone call or a text. Don’t cart your laptop everywhere you go. Put it down.

4. Reduce your load.

Do less before you leave, and do not overschedule for your return from the holidays. I am particularly guilty of cramming as much as I can into the last few days before a break and then cramming my schedule to the bursting point on the day or two days after returning from a break. This elevates stress and cortisol, reducing the benefits of the break. I confess changing this behavior by scheduling less makes me feel guilty. At least for now. I’m working to get over it.

5. Energize yourself.

Notice which activities energize you and which ones leave you drained. For some people, having time to research and write is a real joy. For others, trying to work in time to write when constantly being interrupted by family demands is more stressful than never writing at all during the academic holidays. Do, track, and savor the activities that refill your well. Remember this the next time you go on a break. For extra help, this blog talks about more do’s and don’ts over the holidays.

6. Take a talking walk.

Step away from your computer and take a walk with your friends, family, colleagues, or alone, as long it feels enlivening for you. In Annie Murphy Paul’s book, The Extended Mind: The Power of Thinking Outside the Brain, there are many examples of people who found their answers by walking and talking with friends or colleagues. Examples include:

    • Contemporary writer Rebecca Solnit’s understanding ideas when the “mind [operates] at three miles per hour.”
    • Søren Kierkegaard’s “I have walked myself into my best thoughts” (1847)
    • Henry David Thoreau’s essay “Walking” (1851) and journal entry, “Methinks that the moment my legs begin to move, my thoughts begin to flow.”
    • Michel de Montaigne’s best ideas were on his horse, “the source of my widest musings (1580)
    • Socrates peregrinations around Athens questioning citizens about democratic principles and the role of the government (470-399 BCE)

Walking and talking might give you a new idea or change your own perspective on your work or your life.

7. Practice gratitude after the holidays.

If you went somewhere on a visit, look over the photos of the people you care about, and remind yourself how good it felt to spend time with them. If you did do some academic work, celebrate whatever you got done. If you cooked or ate something special, try cooking it again sometime to revisit the good memories. Perhaps even invite new friends over to try your version of a recipe to recall good times. Recast any “disasters” as humorous stories. Some of the worst adventures turn out to be the funniest when revisited later after the heartache of the moment has passed.

In short, enjoy your academic holidays without guilt. Taking a break is good for you. Let go, relax, reduce your load, savor, notice when you are energized, and walk. Come away from the holidays refreshed and not drained.

How to be a Confident Academic Seminar coming in January 2023

And if you are looking to kickstart your new year with a burst of confidence, join our 4-session seminar How to be a Confident Academic beginning on Friday, January 6, 2023 @ 12:30 PM (noon) ET. Total cost for all sessions for faculty is $230; and for graduate students is $195. We’ll meet as a group weekly for 90 minutes on Zoom through the month. Enrollment is limited to eight (8) participants.

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