Last month, I looked at 5 ways to increase positivity in your life by focusing on joy, gratitude, serenity, curiosity, and pride (in actual accomplishment). This month, I am adding 5 more ways to increase positivity in your life, by looking at amusement, inspiration, awe, love and hope. These may seem a bit more ambiguous, but recognizing these various forms can help you see there is a real correspondence to being positive and real success in your life. For me, learning to love a new family as a result of my recent marriage has been expanding my horizons and created a new context for shared understanding that helps me put my work in perspective. Time off, taken specifically to nurture these new familial relationships, is as valuable as time in front of the computer.
But before we look at love, let’s look at the other paths to positivity.
Amusement: When was the last time you laughed? Really laughed? To be amusing, somehow a story or joke or even a funny reaction has to surprise us. If we anticipate the punch line, a joke ceases to be funny. One time, a friend and I were sitting together in her living room, when her daughter said, “I’ll get a ride, just in case,” concerning how she would get home from a football game. Her mother said, “What do you mean, ‘just in case,” and the answer was, “But that’s his name, Justin Case.” Laughter all around. Humor at its best gives us the unexpected, and when we share that delight with one another, we often feel warm and safe and happy. It builds our human connections. Take action by watching a comedy with friends, or sharing a joke with others who haven’t heard it yet.
Inspiration: This is a tricky one, because it has what Barbara Fredrickson calls “an evil twin.” If you watch someone else excel, you have two choices: 1) you can celebrate all that they have achieved, whether it’s a perfect golf game, an aerial loop de loop, or a group dance well executed 2) you can beat yourself up as you compare yourself to them (my automatic choice, and one I have to guard against quite vigilantly). It’s too easy to give in to being discouraged. Instead, celebrate the excellence you see in others and be a cheerleader for them. Honoring those who have failed many times before succeeding can warm your own heart to try again. It is truly inspiring to recognize the resilience it takes to get “back in the game.”
Choose inspiration over discouragement
Awe: I think of awe mainly in natural terms, such as the beauty of a night sky so clear you can actually see the billions and billions of stars making up the Milky Way. It is so clear when we witness this sight that we are but a minute particle in the universe. Yet your own existence is important to the whole, no matter how small (a bit like Dr. Suess’ Horton Hear a Who, isn’t it?). You may be awed by amazing human accomplishments, like my namesake’s scaling of Mount Everest. What’s worth noting is the sense of belonging to something larger and more complex than self. Bring on a sense of awe by deliberately gazing into the night sky when you have clear weather, or watching documentaries on human exploration of land, sea or sky.
Hope: This is another tricky one, because its evil twin is despair. And there are situations where holding out hope becomes irrational and won’t allow you to let go and move forward in life. But hope is the emotion that allows us to look into the future with a sense that things are going to get better. It allows you to savor your life, even when the immediate present doesn’t feel so great. If you’ve made a mistake, and learned something from it about what you don’t want to repeat, hope is what lets you get up and dust yourself off, to try again. I’ve even seen a bumper sticker literally spelling it out: Hold On, Pain Ends. So try this, when in the depths of misery: rather than giving into thoughts of “nothing can be done,” let yourself think, “maybe it’s possible.” Or post this adage somewhere you can see it: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, and that’s why we call it the present.
Love: I saved this positive emotion for last, because it is so complex. But love is where you get to practice all the other positive emotions, from gratitude that someone special is in your life to hope for the future in the form of new life. You may laugh for years at some private joke that developed on your first date. With luck, you have found someone who loves you in spite of your flaws. Or maybe even because of your flaws. Kindness and remembering that none of us is perfect also helps. Be OK with being mutually confused, as long as you can mutually forgive one another. You can be inspired by how love shows up in your life or awed at the way you are still learning new things about each other years after the first encounter. Love is not limited to a significant other, either: it can apply to anyone in your kinship circle, from siblings to cousins twice removed, or to anyone in your friendship circle where feelings are deeper than mere acquaintance would admit. So, the action to take in this case is all about appreciation. Notice when you feel love for someone and let them know it.
Each of the emotions tackled in this post are a bit more ephemeral than those found in last month’s post. Yet each lends itself to building positivity in your life. It’s easy to get caught up in self-doubt and cynicism. Instead, start by noticing all the good around you, and celebrating it.
Tags: attitude, confidence, happiness, happiness at work, positivity
