6 tips for creating confidence and poise

Use your imagination not to scare yourself to death but to inspire yourself to life.~Adele Brookman.

Why do we find it so very difficult to acknowledge our own abilities? It seems to be part of the human condition to believe that other people are “better,” “abler,” “more gifted,” “smarter,” etc.  It’s all about believing in ourselves for a change, and that takes confidence. Confidence is at the heart of a successful professional life, because if you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will either.

People aren’t just born with confidence.  Confidence is learned behavior and must be practiced.  I work with many academics that, despite all the objective evidence to the contrary, continue to see themselves and their career trajectories as “failures.” Why are they so harsh and judgmental when reviewing their own accomplishments?  The simple answer is that owning their achievements is hard for them.  Until you give yourself positive feedback, you will never own your own abilities or feel truly confident.

There are many simple tips you can implement to help develop your confidence.  As with any list of tips this is not everything you can do, nor is the intent to do all of them at once. Instead, choose one or two that feel like they would work best for you in your particular circumstances.  Practice will be required, so give them an honest effort and be patient for the results. Continue to look for evidence that you are more able than you think, can accomplish more than you realize, and allow yourself to feel confident.

Tip #1 – What’s the worst things that could happen?
When we do not manage our own minds, we often let our fears overtake our thoughts.  We start imagining things in unrealistic terms, and build improbable results for what might happen.  Asking yourself, “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” will help you get a realistic picture of potential consequences, which turn out to be less dire than what we first thought.

Tip #2 – Use your imagination.
Imagine a more positive outcome through the use of visualization.  See yourself behaving in more confident ways in the challenges you face.  See an excellent outcome of your efforts in your mind. Pianists that practice their concert performances in their heads while traveling have often used this method to enhance their actual show.

Tip #3 – Think of positive memories.
Dwell on positive accomplishments and experiences. Why would dwelling on previous failures and difficult help you?  The answer is, “It won’t.” Amazingly, when you hear something negative about yourself it takes seven positive comments to balance that out. (This may be an evolutionary adaption for survival, so that we more strongly retain memories of mistakes that could cost us our lives.  In the modern world, though, you rarely have to run from a tiger.) So, concentrate on the positive things that have happened to you. Consciously reverse the tendency to dwell on the bad and concentrate on the good results.

Tip #4 – Look back from the future.
Imagine yourself a few years in the future of your life.  From this vantage point ask yourself: “Will this be a big deal or even something I’ll remember?” The answer will almost always be no. By asking yourself this question, your day-to-day troubles are placed in proper perspective.

Tip #5 – The past is not the present.
What happened in the past doesn’t necessarily mean it will happen in the future.  Or to paraphrase a popular commercial, “What happens in the past, stays in the past.” We create our futures in the here and now.  Keeping this in mind, realize that you don’t have to let the past sabotage your future.  The future can be different.   Hooray for that.

Tip #6 – Look at ‘failure’ differently.
The most successful people don’t take failure personally.  Any good scientist knows that experiments will fail 99% of the time; that’s just how you figure out what really works. Look at what you can learn from experience.  Failure as just feedback on what you need to work on to do better the next time.  Remain open to the learning that failure gives you, and be willing to change your formula for success.

Engaging in one or more of these behaviors over time will allow your confidence to grow, you to grow into your own authentic self, and offer the world the best you have to give.